It might be chilly outside, and it might be chilly in the Mexican’s stories… and normally I would add and also in the Mexican’s heart. But it seems like there is a spark there, a new fire. Yet, will be be able to kindle the fire with this new passion of his?? We shall see..
February 15, 2009 11:25 PM
I wandered and I wandered. Practically all day. I’m wiped, completely exhausted. Aching from the tips of my toes through my veins concentrating in my heart, but traveling all the way to my brain making my head throb and throb. How will it stop? I don’t know which is worse, the pain from my heart or my mind? Or my overall exhaustion?
I couldn’t sleep last night. I didn’t go to E.’s and I’ve been avoiding M. I returned to this metro stop early this morning, very hard for me to do, get up early, but it will be worth it. I just know it. I will find her. I might be so so fatigued, yet my spirit is invigorated with this new challenge. I haven’t been so sure about a girl since my beloved P.
I sat and I sat. Outside the metro on the shitty cold bench. Less cold than last night, but still. I might need to get a bigger coat. I watched out for her, thinking that she might be taking the metro to work. So many people, so many off to the rat race and there I sat on my own quest, moving at a different rhythm. After waiting until around 10:30 am, I decided to take a break, I was too tired and too fucking frozen to stay there any longer. I went back to M.’s place, luckily she wasn’t there so I wasn’t drilled with questions.
I needed a new strategy so I went back around 6:30 pm and found the perfect table by the window in the cafe across from the metro. At least I wouldn’t be so cold and I could write. Write these words. And work on some projects. But without losing site of people exiting the metro. By 11 pm I was getting a little drunk, and more than a little anxious. Had I missed her? Not possible. Maybe she hadn’t left her place that day. Shit. What if there is another metro exit or station nearby? My mind started turning and turning in a vicious circle. I ordered another glass of wine to calm myself down. I couldn’t lose hope, if I didn’t see her today. I would find her. I am sure of it.