The Mexican Minute #6

Every day is special and different for the Mexican. Again, a day of much reflection… self reflection and vows. But the real question is, will he be able to keep the promises that he makes to himself and to others…? Ce n’est pas sur…

Monday May 18, 2009 10:30 AM

Yesterday was an emotional day. There was a lot of crying. I cried. M cried. And I cried and cried and cried. I cried because I see the end of something. I truly cannot continue with her, even if it is all perfect. She has the education, the studies, the interests, the books, the good will, but that is not enough today. I miss the lust, the passion, the euphoric feeling, the craziness, yes perhaps it will grow someday, but I don’t think so.

It might look as it I’m being shallow, but today I prefer E. I lust for her and that’s it. I think I love her. It is true what M. says, I understand how she feels. For her it is perfection, we share work, projects, conversation, mental stimulation, sex etc. She is complete but I cannot give her that deep love. I am an asshole!

I don’t know if E. will come back to me, but one thing is for sure, I can’t go back to M. I will be alone and I deserve that. I deserve to be alone for all the bad things that I’ve done. For all the broken hearts I’ve left behind. Today I leave two more, but I get to pay for it. It finally gets directly back to me and the price is high. Physical, mental, emotional, practical, all.

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