Top 12 Text Messages of 2012

In this age of new technologies, our methods of communication have changed dramatically. Can you imagine what life was like before the text message (or email)? Did our admirers really send us love letters and poems declaring their affection? I thought it could be fun to compile a list of my favorite boy messages to sum up the year. Pour yourself a glass of wine and get ready to laugh! Note: The text messages are not really listed in order from worst to best, but the #1 is probably takes the prize ūüôā

#12. THE CATALAN: Hey little girl, are you coming any day south? I miss you.

Background Story: You know it! In case you missed it, here is a link to the first story.

Commentary: First of all… HEY LITTLE GIRL??? Did he think that was a sweet term of endearment? And he wonders why I don’t want to see him again… which brings us to that topic. The Catalan kept sending me the occasional message, he really didn’t get the point, he even tried to invite me on a trip with him over the holidays (one that he’d won for free, the cheapo). I finally told him I was seeing someone else and wished him luck. I should be wishing the next “little girl” he goes after good luck!

#11.¬†MR MILITAIRE: Coucou tigresse, ca va? C’√©tait super de te voir. Toujours aussi charmante! sexy! Bises coquines!

Translation: Hey there, Tigresse, how are you? Great seeing you again! Just as charming as ever! sexy! Naughty kisses!

Background Story: You’ll have to read my first book that will come out in the spring, the story is totally hilarious. Mr Militaire is a persistent text messager, and after a mini war a few years ago, he’s attempted to ambush me again. Can I fight him off?

Commentary: I think the message speaks for itself!

#10. ANNOY GUY ON STREET: La prochaine fois donne pas ton numero. Tu fais perdre du temps et de l’argent. Adios

Translation: The next time don’t give out your number. You make us lose time and money, Adios.

Background: So back at the end of July I was walking down the street on my way to apero with some friends. I must have been wearing a pretty dress because as I crossed the street near Hotel de Ville this guy going the other way noticed me. Suddenly he appeared next to me, full of admirative praise. He was not really my type, but he was very persuasive and got my number out of me. With some post reflection, I realized that there was no way I wanted to meet him so pulled out of it, granting me this lovely response.

Commentary: Well, if you chase girls don’t the street, that’s the¬†price¬†you have to pay! It’s a good thing I didn’t meet up with him, from his message, he certainly seems like quite the loser!

#9. YOUNG MEXICAN: Alors c’est fini c’est ca???

Translation: So it’s finished, is that the way it is?

Background: The Young Mexican appears at the beginning of the Mauvais Mexican’s story, starting here. Obviously, I should really stay away from Mexicans.

Commentary: The poor little Young Mexican didn’t want to give up. After the c’est fini message he continued to send me a Salut, ca va?? message every 2 weeks or so. I would mistakenly¬†send him a reply after the fourth message saying hi hope you’re well or something like that, which would encourage him more I suppose. How could I not reply to his friendly Happy New Year! message?

#8. DOM: Donc tu serais disponible samedi ou dimanche pour passer un moment diabolique?

Translation: So would you be free Saturday or Sunday to spend a diabolic moment together?

Background: Dom is the friend of a friend, they might appear in a second book, maybe, maybe… great story, tr√®s racy and problematic.

Commentary: The things we can get roped up in! Oh la la! I saw Dom at film event late October and blurted out that it could be nice to get together, he’s been trying to call me on my invitation ever since!

#7. THE TURKISH BOY: Hey Tigresse, I know it’s late again but what do you do tonight? Let me know if you are in the mood ūüėČ

Background: Sigh! The Turkish boy will probably feature in book #2. A “come and goer” I tried to get rid of him because he was so unreliable, but then he started contacting me again. He features briefly in the first blog when I met the Young Mexican.

Commentary: Umm, the AGAIN in the it’s late again is key here. If a boy only ever texts you after midnight, then there’s a problem!

#6. THE WANK MANAGER: Salut Tigresse! T’avais pas repondu a mon dernier message, je sais pas si je te derange? Si tu veux qu on se revoit je pourrai te montrer les photos de mon trip us-canada. A +

Translation: Hi Tigresse! You haven’t answered my last message, I don’t know if I’m bothering you? If you want to see me again, I could show you the photos of my trip to the US-Canada. TTYS

Background: The Wank Manager has another nickname too: the Farming Banker. He earned this new nickname from an incident that occurred at the beginning of the year, before these messages… He is a totally clueless bank manager I met years ago who reappeared recently. Why, why, why do I give guys more than one chance!

Commentary:¬†You haven’t answered my last message,¬†I don’t know if I’m bothering you?¬†is probably the best part of this message. Maybe he wasn’t as dense as I thought he was? Alas, await more stories about him in one of my books!

#5. THE FILM GUY: Tes massages me manquent

Translation: I miss your massages

Background: Again for anyone not familiar with this character, you can catch up by ready his saga starting here.

Commentary: It was hard to choose the best message to include from the Film Guy, but I thought this one summed him up fairly well. I miss your massages – not I miss you, I’d like to see you… no, I want a massage… egotistical jerk who was never really interested in me in the first place! The lessons we have to learn!

#4. UNKNOWN SENDER FROM ENGLAND: Hey! You are my sweet heart..i love and miss you.lots.please come into my life now. Princess ‚ô•

Background: So one day last autumn, this random message popped up on my phone. I think I was even feeling some romantic woes that day. Who wouldn’t perk up with such a message? But who was the sender? I will actually never know. It was definitely meant for me, and sent from a UK cell… I think it has to be this bus driver I had on this traveling tour I did many many years ago. He tried to contact me a few times afterwards and even wrote me a real actual love letter… full of little red hearts and … horrible grammar mistakes! Needless to say I didn’t respond to this or his other messages.

Commentary: I can only hope that the writer was drunk when he typed this out, but it was sent in the middle of the day, so that’s sort of unlikely. I love and miss you.lots. might be my favorite.part.

#3 THE MEXICAN: You know how to persuade a man ūüėČ

Background: You all know the Mexican so no introduction necessary! But this message came just a few weeks ago. I haven’t actually seen him since August, but he texts me now and then AND I have resisted, he’s truly been demoted from any place that he once occupied in my heart. However, I am a sucker, so I wouldn’t mind seeing him and have even stupidly offered to help him with something… He wanted to meet up, I said I had some excellent new wine, and this was his reply. So I thought he was going to come over this one evening… and he totally stood me up. He does not deserve a 10 millionth chance.
But persuade him to do what? I’ll reveal this in the sum up blog at the end of week!

Commentary: The worst part of this message (or the funniest) was that when he sent this in reply to my wine invitation, I saucily replied that I was also wearing nice underwear, but that I knew he liked my wine better… and he didn’t reply to that and stood me up!

#2. HENRI: Si tu veux on te retrouve chez toi ce soir apres minuit pour une visite intellectuelle et sensuellleeee. bises

Translation: if you want, we will meet you at your place after midnight for a intellectual and sensuuuaaallll visit. kisses.

Background: Henri is a friend of a friend, I think we must have met a few years ago at an art opening. He lives in Madrid and drops in on Paris now and then. He’ll probably have a chapter in book 2.

Commentary: We all need some racy messages now and then. Did I take them up on their offer? I was already out with Dom and Gustave, not knowing what the night had in store!

#1. Mr Mystery: …Perhaps my tongue trailing electric paths across you

Background: Top secret.

Commentary: I had never really sexted before… but I’m being introduced to it in an exciting way! This new character is making the new year get off to an electric start! 2013 is promising to be filled with thrilling adventures – and messages!

No Comments

  • Karin P says:

    These are great! My oh my what an exciting romantic/sensual/dating existence! Have to say, I don’t think I have ever received this many texts from men in my entire life (but then cell phones did not exist back in the days when I might have been more interested, hahaha).

    Truly, my favorite was the one from the Catalan, because the whole “little girl” thing is just SO CREEPY. I swear, if I ever run into some man in his 40s from Catalonia, I am already going to be giving him the stink eye. *Especially* if he mentions fish salad, lololol. (Oh that sounds bad. I was thinking about the fish salad dinner from the earlier tale, nothing weird, ha.)

    I think I am most curious about the Wank Manager (although Mr Secret/Indy in message #1 is of course a titillating teaser of a story) — the nickname makes me laugh. I want to know more! He sounds annoying!

    (I really am kind of interested in the bad stories, hahaha! It’s kind of awful to read how some of these guys could be *so checked out* about life and romance!! Poor gits. Probably a little awful Schadenfreude on my part, lol.)

    • La Tigresse says:

      Thanks Karin!

      Oh my! As you have gathered from your loyal reading, a lot of the stories turn out badly… or a list a little fishy!! I couldn’t believe when the Catalan tried to invite me on that holiday with me! So clueless!

      So more stories will be revealed shortly, and do I ever have a hilarious one from the holidays!

  • d says:

    men are such idiots – these are all hilarious!

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